Hidden Love by marymqc Disclaimer: These characters and situations do not belong to me. I'm only borrowing them for a bit of fun. ^_^ ~~~~~~~~~~~ The blows rained down on him ceaselessly. At first, each sharp punch stung him separately. However, as they continued, his whole body blazing with pain, the hits began to blend together. Soon he couldn't tell one punch from the other, one flare of pain from the next. Trying not to whimper - by now, he had no energy to cry out - he curled up into a ball as best he could. His wrists were tied behind him uncomfortably, but the resulting cramps in his arms were less than a mere discomfort compared to the rest of the body. The feet and fists and other objects that assailed him showed no mercy. He was now only dimly aware of the insults and names the voices above him were shouting angrily. At first, they hurt him as much as the fists did, but now, the physical pain demanded his attention. A metal object slammed into his chest, but he barely heard the large crack that followed, only aware of the intensified pain. Why were they doing this to him? Just because he was different? He didn't deserve this heinous attack. Did he? His mind refuse to think clearly, and he had trouble keeping any thoughts straight. The blows refused to stop. His chest felt like it caved in on him. He fought to breath, barely managing to wheeze air through his nostrils. His mouth gasped under the blows as he struggled to gulp in air. He just wished for some final blow to his head that would put his out of his misery. Aside from a few stray punches, his assailants had for some reason avoided his head for the most part, leaving him conscious for the pain. But moments later, he vaguely noticed a foot sailing towards his head. Then, mercifully, everything went black. - Ryo followed White Blaze anxiously. He didn't know whether the large tiger sensed something or was merely following a trail, but it didn't matter. He only hoped that the tiger was leading him towards Sai. Normally, Ryo wouldn't worry too much about the missing Warrior, but he couldn't help but feel protective towards the smaller boy. He felt stronger feelings towards Sai than any of the others, which he always accounted from viewing Sai as a younger brother. Of course, Sai could take of himself and fight almost as well as the rest of the Troopers, but there was something about him Ryo wanted to protect, to shield, to take care of. And when he first sensed something was wrong, and was unable to contact Sai through their mindlink, Ryo became worried. The bad feeling in the pit of his stomach just refused to leave, and so with the help of White Blaze, he had set out to find him. The other three Troopers, who were just as worried, were waiting back at the house for any word of the missing boy. White Blaze grabbed Ryo's attention with an urgent look, and Ryo suddenly noticed they were standing in a deserted area of a beach - one of Sai's usual hang-out spots. "Sai!" Ryo called loudly, looking around. "Hey, Sai, are you here?" White Blaze just looked at him silently before turning his head. Ryo followed the tiger's gaze. His heart jumped into his throat as soon as he saw the crumpled figure laying in the sand, half-hidden by a dune. "SAI!" he screamed, racing to the form. "Oh, God," Ryo choked out once he reached the boy. Sai's body was twisted in many odd directions, and it was covered with blood and bruises. His normally auburn hair was now stained a bright red from the natural dye running from his many cuts. Ryo immediately dropped to his knees and checked for a pulse. Sai's heart beat weakly underneath his fingertips. "Sai? Sai, can you hear me?" Ryo urgently asked, his voice full with anxiety. Sai made no sign. Ryo reached out a hand but didn't touch him in fear of harming him even more. He immediately sent out an alarm to the others through their minds before returning his attention to the unconscious boy, who gave a very low moan. "You'll be okay, Sai. Everything will be okay," Ryo told him. He was trying to convince himself as much as he was with Sai. He cautiously unwrapped Sai's bound wrists and grabbed Sai's hand with his own, holding it with firmly as he waited for help to arrive. - Sage, Rowen, and Kento arrived at the hospital just seconds after the ambulance carrying Sai and Ryo. They watched with horror as doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel swarmed over Sai's still body. Ryo remained at Sai's side the whole time, refusing to let go off Sai's hand. After a couple of failed attempts to remove him, the hospital staff had finally accepted his presence in order to concentrate on their patient. However, some time later, a nurse finally forced Ryo away right before Sai was wheeled into surgery. As he watched the pale boy being pushed away from him, Ryo was overcome with a sense of helplessness. Angrily, he punched a fist into the wall, causing those around him to jump at the loud crack. The four friends sat together in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, none of them speaking more than a few worried words at a time. At the very instant they were allowed to see Sai, Ryo jumped up and rushed into the room. Horrified at the sight of Sai's pale, bandaged body, Ryo immediately grabbed Sai's hand again, refusing to leave his side. Sai was in the hospital for a two and a half days when, due to an overcrowded hospital and Sage's winning influence, the Troopers were allowed to take him home. - The first thing Sai was aware of was the pain. The pain seemed to consume him, refusing to let anything else be acknowledge. But then a light penetrated through the haze, pushing rudely through the pain. With much difficulty, Sai cracked one eye open and immediately realized it wasn't worth the effort. All he could see was a white expanse which eventually focused into a ceiling. He blinked uncomprehendingly at it, trying to make sense of his fuzzy thoughts. Why did he hurt so much? Then he noticed at his hand an unusual sensation that wasn't pain. Someone was holding his hand. The fact barely registered in his mind until he turned his head. There, he was greeted with a sight of a mop of black hair resting on the mattress beside him. ~Ryo.~ Sai blinked, trying to figure the scene out. He was in his own room, but Ryo was sitting on the floor, and his head was resting on the bed beside him. One arm was also laying on the bed, and his hand was clasping Sai's. Despite the appearance of being asleep, Ryo's grasp was firm, as if he was afraid of letting go. Sai immediately became concerned. "Ryo...?" he began, his voice no more than a harsh whisper. He must have been asleep for a while. "Ryo, are you okay?" Ryo murmured something sleepily as he shifted his weight slightly. "Wha's that?" Sai asked him, trying to sound gentle despite the fact his voice croaked. He would need to get some water soon. Ryo shifted once more before suddenly jerking his head up. He looked at Sai with wide eyes. "Sai! You're...you're awake!" Sai nodded, somewhat puzzled. "Yes. And you are, too." Ryo just laughed as he turned his head towards the doorway. "Hey, guys, he's awake!" Sai struggled to sit up, a task that seemed almost impossible with the unexplained pain in his chest and arms. ~Yeah, I'm awake. What's the big...~ Sai froze as the memories hit him. "Oh, God..." he whispered, the blood draining from his already pale face as he sat straight up. He glanced at Ryo, who was looking at him with concern. Sai immediately looked away, ashamed to face the other boy. It also gave him a chance to see his injuries. He was shirtless, but his chest was wrapped up tightly. He must have cracked or broken some ribs. Also, one of his arms was in a cast, as well as the opposite leg. He was also covered in multiple, smaller bandages at various parts of his body, and any skin left uncovered was dotted with bruises. "Are you okay?" Ryo asked him softly. Sai just nodded his head silently, still refusing to meet his gaze. It was then that Sai realized his hand of his uninjured arm was still inside Ryo's hold. Blushing slightly, he tried to remove it without drawing attention. Ryo felt Sai's hand move in his grip, and was startled to realize that he was still holding on to it. He gave Sai's hand one last, comforting squeeze before letting go. "I, uh...You didn't really, um, seem to want me to let go earlier, so..." Ryo finished the sentence with a nervous chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck. Sai gave him a small, almost nonexistent, smile. "Thank you," he said, the gratitude peeking through the embarrassment in his voice. Just then, Kento bounded into the room, followed closely by Rowen and Sage. Sai looked at them briefly before turning his gaze to his lap. "Sai, buddy, how ya feeling?" Kento asked him, concern lining his broad features. "I'm fine," he told them. "Well, you certainly don't look fine," Kento told him bluntly before Rowen shut him up with a look. Even though Sage had his arms crossed, he seemed more warm than usual. "Can you tell us what happened?" he questioned gently. "Yeah, who da hell did this to ya?" Rowen asked, walking to the other side of Sai's bed. "Was it the Dynasty?" Sai's eyes burned into his lap. "I don't know." A lie. He knew two of the five's names. He could feel the other four exchanging glances above his head. "But it wasn't the Dynasty." "Do you know why anybody would do this to you?" Sage asked. Sai hesitated, reluctant to answer. "...no..." he whispered. There was a pause before he heard someone sigh above him. They could tell he was lying, but they weren't going to press him for an answer. Sai slumped back down into an almost prone position on the bed. He knew he was safe for the moment. "How long was I out?" Sai asked, coughing dryly, in an attempt to change the subject. "Well, about two days, in and out. This was the first time you were actually coherent though," Ryo told him. Sai nodded slightly as the information sunk in. He suddenly felt very tired. His eyelids begin to drift close as fatigue settled in. "I'm sorry..." he struggled to say, as it became a fight to stay awake. "Shhh, it's okay, Sai," Rowen told him quietly. He looked at the others. "We'll let you rest." One by one, the warriors slipped out of the room as Sai drifted into a deep sleep. - The room was dark when Sai woke up again, which he found strangely comforting. He was also grateful to find that he was alone. It gave him a chance to sort out his thoughts. The other Troopers will eventually ask him about the attack again. Sai felt his chest tighten at the thought. He knew he couldn't avoid their questions, but he refused to tell them the truth. If they ever found out... Sai shuddered. If they ever found out, they would never look at him the same way. He knew they wouldn't react as violently as the group that beat him up, but he would not let them learn anything that would change their friendship. They might distance themselves from him, might even alienate him altogether. The voices of Sai's attackers echoed in his head. "Homo." "Fairy." "Freak." "Girlie." Sai's stomach churned. And those were just the very mild names. He blanched at the memory of the more graphic ones. It was because of the shame and humiliation that he kept his secret a secret. Of those that had found out anyway, many accepted him. But too many others didn't. Some mocked, some scorned, some even acted uncomfortable or scared. Tears sprung to his eyes without warning. Sai certainly didn't want to risk the chance that his friends would act that way. Especially Ryo. The memories of the past few days floated back to him. A boy a few years older than him had tried to set him up with his younger sister. When Sai turned it down, the boy immediately demanded, "What, isn't my sister pretty enough for you?" The girl was actually very pretty, and Sai told him so. "Then why not?" the boy asked him angrily. Sneering, he quickly jumped to a conclusion. "Not into girls?" Sai couldn't deny it. So he didn't say anything. And the boy spat at him before walking away. A few days later, when he and his friends had incidentally found Sai wandering along the deserted beach, they couldn't leave the opportunity without taking advantage of it. The few cans of beer circulating in their systems spurred them on, fueling their anger. And - armed with fists, boots, a crowbar, and a piece of rope - they attacked. When Sai woke later to find his hand inside Ryo's, it was almost too much for him to bear. He just couldn't let them become suspicious, couldn't let Ryo know that he enjoyed holding hands for an entirely different reason than Ryo had intended. Sai rubbed at his nose with his uninjured hand. He loved Ryo. He knew that. It wasn't some silly crush that he would eventually get over. It was a part of him that he couldn't deny. Ryo, with his spirit of fire and fierce loyalty and determination, captures Sai's heart and soul. On good days and lonely nights, he would entertain the fact that Ryo might have feelings towards him also. But Ryo had Mia. And Sai very much doubted that Ryo would like guys in "that way". Sai had already accepted the fact that his love would most likely go unanswered, being too afraid and ashamed to find out for sure. Now, as he lay in the dark, the shame and loneliness settled heavily on him. His breath came in wheezy, short gasps as his overwhelming emotions threatened to suffocate him. He choked on a sob, refusing to cry. His watery eyes threatened to overflow, and Sai retaliated by squeezing his eyelids shut. Suddenly, the door to the room creaked. Sai glanced over and saw that someone was slowly opening the door, trying not to disturb Sai while checking up on him. Sai immediately rolled over on his side, facing away from the door as he feigned sleep. As soon as he heard the door closed, Sai let out a choked sigh of relief. He sniffed tearfully one final time before closing his eyes, inviting sleep to close around him. - Ryo froze mid-step. He had crept into Sai's room to check on the injured boy. At first, Sai appeared to be asleep, but as Ryo quietly approached the bed, he heard a few sounds. ~Was Sai crying?~ Ryo tip-toed closer to the form on the bed, careful not to disturb him. He leaned over Sai's prone body, trying to make out the features in his face. In the dark, all he could discern was that Sai's eyes were closed. Wanting a closer look, Ryo bent further. He noticed Sai's body tense up once the other boy sensed Ryo's presence. Torn between the decision to leave or to talk Sai, Ryo instead remained still as he watched over Sai. The boy below him eventually cracked one eye open. Then both eyes popped open and widened as Sai stared straight at Ryo. "R-Ryo!" Sai stuttered. "What...what are you doing?" Sai's eyes shone rather brightly in the pale light. "Sai, are you okay?" Ryo asked him seriously. Sai nodded slowly before speaking. "Yeah. Just had a bad dream," he explained shakily. "I'm fine now." Ryo studied him intently for a moment. "You would tell me if something was bothering you, wouldn't you? You know I'm always here, Sai, you can always talk to me," Ryo told him, hoping Sai would listen to him. "Yeah..." Sai replied softly. He attempted to draw himself into a tight ball. "Ryo, I'm extremely tired right now, okay?" Ryo remained still for a moment, frozen in indecision. Then he let out a silent sigh. "Okay, Sai. I'll leave you be." He gave Sai one last look before he turned around and left. - Kento didn't need to look up to know it was Ryo he heard stomp down the stairs. The sound of footsteps pounding had become Ryo's trademark for the past few days, beginning not long after he found Sai. Kento stared at his manga, realizing he was still on the same page he was twenty minutes ago. And he had no recollection of what had happened the page before. With a sigh, he closed the book and tossed it beside him on the couch. Ryo threw himself heavily on the opposite end of the couch, his eyes boring a hole into a spot on the wall. "Who?" he demanded. Although his voice was low, the fierce anger it contained would be enough to make the strongest men tremble. "Who could be so...so *evil* to do such a thing? To Sai? To Sai, dammit! *Why?* I...I could just...I want to... topound them. I'm going to kill them." By now, as he struggled to express his anger, his voice had developed into a low growl. Kento leaned against the back of the couch, folding his arms behind his head. "I wonder what Sai is going through," he mused sadly. He closed his eyes briefly. "I wish I knew how he was doing. He can't be good." He glanced over at Ryo, whose face had softened visibly. "Yeah," Ryo agreed absently, obviously contemplating something. "I don't like it. I don't like it at all." Kento yawned. "Well, I'm doing no good just sitting here. Might as well go to bed." With that, he stood up wearily and turned to Ryo. "You should get some rest, too, you know. At least try to." Ryo nodded, resigned. Later, as Kento emerged from the bathroom, he saw that Ryo was trying to shove a cot through the doorway of Sai's room. "Hey, Ryo," Kento said, drawing his attention. Ryo looked at him. "Thought I should keep an eye on him," he explained. "Just in case." "That's a good idea," Kento replied, walking over to him. "Watch out." With no other warning, Kento shoved the cot into the room with a mighty push. Ryo jumped back, slightly startled. "Geez," Ryo remarked. "You probably woke up Sai." "Nah, he's fast asleep," Kento told him. "Good night, Ryo." "Thanks, Kento." With a small smile, Ryo turned into the room, shutting the door silently behind him. - With a gasp, Sai snapped awake. His skin was slick with sweat, and the sheets were twisted around his legs. His injured leg and arm, which must have been agitated during his sleep, throbbed with fresh pain. Fragments of the nightmare lingered as images and words flickered through his mind. Sai found it hard to breathe, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. Sai gritted his teeth as he tried to swing his legs over the side of the bed. His whole body ached terribly. Trying his best to ignore the pain, he placed his feet on the floor. He never imagined that getting out of bed could be so difficult. All he wanted to do was brush his teeth. Taking a deep breath, Sai braced his hands against the mattress as he pushed himself up. He balanced on his feet for two whole seconds, certain he could make it, before his knees buckled under him. Suddenly, from nowhere, an arm snaked around him, catching him before he fell. Startled, Sai turned his head to see his rescuer. "Ryo! Wher-why-how...?" Sai found himself too flustered to speak. He immediately ducked his head, feeling a warm blush creep to his cheeks. "I slept with you," explained Ryo. Sai's eyes widened in shocked. "What?!" Ryo chuckled. "I mean, I slept in the same room as you. On a cot. I didn't feel comfortable leaving you by yourself with you...injured." Resentment and anger suddenly rush through Sai, filling his mind with defensive thoughts. "I can take care of myself, you know!" he exploded, his eyes burning. "I'm not helpless!" He jerked roughly from the arm that supported him. Startled by the outburst, Ryo took stepped away. Sai desperately tried to remain upright, but his legs failed him and he tumbled onto the bed. Sai hastily sat himself up, refusing to meet Ryo's concerned look. The bed sheets were clenched tightly in his fists. He was angry. Angry for not being able to brush his teeth by himself. Angry at the guys who left him in this mess, tired and hurting and helpless. Angry at himself for not defending himself. Angry at his secret, for making him different. Angry at everyone else who made him feel ashamed when he knew he shouldn't be. He was furious at Ryo for being there, for caring - as a friend. For being so close, yet so very far away. And he was furious at himself again for being afraid of revealing his true feelings to his own best friends, especially Ryo. "I know you can take care of yourself, Sai." Sai looked up at Ryo's sudden words. Ryo continued, looking at Sai to make sure he was listening. "But sometimes you need to let your friends help, too." Sai remained silent for a moment, thinking. But when he couldn't come up with a comeback, he relented. Once again, he pushed himself onto his feet, leaning heavily against Ryo. "Okay. Can you...can you help me out here?" Sai asked, using Ryo's shoulder to brace himself. Ryo nodded, flashing him a friendly smile. "Of course." - Sage and Rowen watched silently as Ryo practiced his fighting moves, unaware of the two's presence. Instead of being smooth and graceful, Ryo's moves were fast and furious. His face was set in an angry scowl, his eyes flashing with rage as he fought some unseen enemy. Rowen and Sage gave each other a wordless look, sharing the same thought. They both knew towards whom Ryo was directing his anger. Rowen, Sage, and Kento were all extremely upset over Sai's attack, but Ryo seemed to take it especially hard. Rowen pounded his fist into his palm. "I say we hunt those jerks down and give them back what they gave to Sai. Only tenfold," he hissed to Sage. "More than that," Ryo stated angrily. Rowen and Sage looked at him in surprise. They didn't think he knew they were there, let alone hear Rowen's threat. Ryo walked over to the pair, his skin glistening with sweat from his workout. "I'm going to kill them for what they did to Sai," he told them. "Sai's a wreck, both physically *and* mentally. It's not fair!" Both Rowen and Sage nodded solemnly in agreement. "Sai didn't deserve it. No one does, but Sai least of all," Sage remarked. "Plus, Sai's hiding from us," Ryo said with frustration. "I wish I knew why, but he refuses to talk to me! He's drawing away, and I don't know why! Why won't he let us help?" Rowen and Sage couldn't answer him, but Ryo wasn't expecting them to. "Eventually, he'll open up," Sage assured Ryo. "He has to," Rowen agreed. Sage continued gravely. "He can't keep it bottled up inside. Sai's too emotional. If he doesn't talk to anyone..." Sage paused before finishing. "He might do something drastic." "You're right," Ryo said, with a worried frown. Then the anxious look was suddenly replaced with one of determination. "I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen." - Sai stared listlessly at the small television set the others had set up in his room. The TV could have been turned off, and he wouldn't know the difference. Instead, he thought. He thought seriously about many things - himself, his life, his sexuality, his friends. He wasn't happy with his thoughts, and he couldn't come to any ideal conclusion. Therefore, when the door to his room opened, he was grateful for the distraction. He turned to see Ryo entering. Sai froze, spellbound by the way the sun streaming through the window glittered and shone on Ryo's dark hair. The slight, friendly smile playing on Ryo's lips also made the room seem much brighter. Sai's eyes slowly trailed downward, pausing at his chest. Ryo's red T-shirt outlined his muscles, defining his firm chest. Through his sleeves and along his arms, the muscles bulged smoothly. Sai's eyes traveled down still, finally noticing the tray Ryo held in his hands. "I brought food," Ryo announced. Snapped out of his spell, Sai wrenched his gaze from Ryo, turning slightly away so Ryo wouldn't notice the blush coloring his cheeks. Ryo misunderstood Sai's actions. "Oh, come on, Sai," he teased playfully. "I saw the way you were looking" - at this, Sai jumped - "at the food," Ryo finished. "I know you're hungry." Sai's cheeks burned even more, but Ryo mistook this as embarrassment for being hungry. He placed the tray of food on the stand beside Sai's bed before seating himself on the cot. He watched as Sai took the tray and balanced it on his lap. Sai awkwardly took the chopsticks with his uninjured hand and began to dig in, taking slow, small bites. He felt self-conscious eating in front Ryo, who seemed to be watching him intently. "Sai, we need to talk." Sai looked at him and swallowed hard. His impulse was to fight, to make up some excuse, to do anything to avoid talking with Ryo. Instead, he dropped his head in resignation. "Okay." Ryo was speechless for a few moments, astonished that Sai had given in so quickly. Then he cleared his throat. "Well, I'm glad you're ready to open up finally." Sai let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not even close to being 'ready'. But I need to tell you something anyway." Ryo leaned forward intently, anxious to hear what Sai had to say. "You know you can tell me anything," Ryo said, hoping Sai would realize that he was being sincere. "Don't be afraid." Sai ran his hand through his hair uncomfortably. How does one admit to his presumably-straight love that he was gay? He didn't even know where to begin. Self-consciously, he begin fingering a bandage on his shoulder, looking at Ryo but avoiding his eyes. "Ryo...I...I was beat up because - because," Sai stopped, suddenly succumbing to the urge to cough. The coughs became more harsh and forceful with each one, and soon his coughing fit refused to leave. Sai's face became red from the effort to breath and to overcome the dry, scratchy sensation in his throat. Ryo rushed to him and sat down next to him anxiously. He placed a warm hand on Sai's back and began rubbing circles, hoping to soothe the cough. He patiently waited as the coughs started to die down, losing their fierceness as Sai regained his breath. Ryo set his hand on Sai's shoulder in comfort as he reached for the cup of juice sitting on the stand with his other arm. Sai took the cup from him and drank down the liquid gratefully. "Are you okay?" Ryo asked him. When Sai nodded, Ryo continued, hoping he wasn't pushing it. "So, what were you going to say?" Sai was acutely aware of Ryo's hand which remained resting on his shoulder. That hand, sitting lightly, seemed to be pressing into Sai's shoulder almost painfully, the distraction making it even harder for Sai to continue. But it was now or never. "Ryo..." Sai began miserably. "Some guys beat me up because...because...I'm...different." Ryo's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Different? How?" Sai drew in a deep breath. Ryo was so close, Sai had felt the air move when he spoke. Sai closed his eyes, trying to gather up any courage he may have lurking around. His mouth opened and closed twice before Sai actually began speaking. "I'm gay." Ryo didn't say anything. Sai shifted uncomfortably under the sudden stillness of the room, not even letting himself glance at Ryo. He bit his lip hard as he felt the other boy quietly remove his hand from his shoulder. ~Oh, no, why did I have to say anything?~ The immediate regret and shame Sai felt was tremendous. Ryo, meanwhile, tried to sort his thoughts out. Sai was gay? Ryo had heard rumors before, but he had always dismissed them, thinking that people were just making assumptions because Sai was so gentle and shy. But the rumors weren't false; even if people were just making assumptions, they were right. Sai *was* gay. And he had just now told Ryo. This revelation changed everything. And frankly, Ryo became scared. ------- Sai hobbled over to the chair sitting by the window and plopped himself down. Instead of opening the curtain, he just flipped the material over him so that all anyone who entered could see of him would be a bulge in the curtain. Sai leaned his elbow against the window sill, resting his chin in his hand. He stared despondently outside, wishing that his life wasn't his. His worse fear had come true, and Sai had only told Ryo half of the truth. As hard as Ryo tried to cover it, Sai could feel the his uneasiness. After a few, long moments of silence, Ryo began talking about the assault committed against Sai, rambling on about how sickening hate crimes were. He refused to mention anything about Sai announcing he was gay. Just then, the door to his room opened and Kento bounded into the room. "Hey, buddy, I brought lunch!" he greeted cheerfully. "Well, most of it, anyway...it's, uh, missing dessert." Sai smiled wryly to himself as he extracted himself from the curtain. Kento continued. "It was just a cupcake, though, and it was dry anyway." Sai rotated his chair so that he faced Kento. Grinning, Kento handed him the tray before flopping down on Sai's bed. The cot had been removed earlier. "How 'bout some entertainment with lunch?" Kento suggested, flipping the television on. Sai pecked at his food as Kento surfed the channels. Once again, it was someone other than Ryo who had brought the meal. Not that he didn't like the others; it was just that Ryo's absence was very noticeable. In fact, Ryo hardly ever visited him anymore, and when he did, it was only for a few moments. "Hey, Sai, look at this," Kento called. Sai looked up to see a celebrity couple pictured on some entertainment news show. "It's always a real shame to see such beautiful people get married," Kento clucked with pity. He turned to Sai with a playful grin. "Hey, why don't we use your English charm and my good looks to break those two apart, hm? I can have the girl, and you can keep the guy. What'd you say?" Sai shook his head with a small smile. Kento rolled his eyes with mock exasperation. "Okay, then," he sighed with exaggerated unhappiness. Sai smiled sadly to himself. Kento had accepted Sai's preference for boys without hesitation. He even teased Sai the same way he had before, only substituting a few key words. In fact, Sage and Rowen had also accepted Sai with no problems. Rowen was a little surprised, but not shaken. And Sage... Well, Sage had winked at him. Sai blushed at the thought, wondering what Sage had meant with that. The mischief implied in that wink almost seemed to make Sage appear wicked. "Geez, Sai, you hardly even touched your food," Kento said, pulling Sai from his thoughts. "Wasn't hungry," he muttered. Kento shook his head with resignation and displeasure. "You really should eat more," he told Sai. Sai only nodded absently. Kento sighed. "Well, I'll leave this here in case you get hungry again." "Thanks," Sai replied dimly. Kento took one last look at Sai's brooding, hunched figure before leaving the room. - That evening, Rowen brought Sai's dinner. He stayed to keep Sai company as he ate bits and pieces of his meal. "Where's Ryo?" Sai asked, trying to sound as if the question weren't important to him. "Ah...I think he's, um, training right now outside," Rowen answered. He looked at Sai. "Why?" Sai shrugged vaguely. "Just haven't seen him around, that's all." Rowen nodded uncertainly. "Yeah, well, he's been pretty busy." "Mm." Sai looked at his food, trying to hide his emotions. Once he was sure his feelings were properly concealed, he looked back up at Rowen. "I've been stuck in this room for too long," he began. "Do you think you could help me get downstairs? Staying in here is driving me nuts." Rowen thought about it for a single moment before answering. "Well, I don't see why not," he replied with a smile. "If I were you, I woulda ripped out my hair ages ago from insanity." It was a slow, unsteady procession, but after much work, the two finally made it down stairs. Rowen led an exhausted Sai to the couch, where Sai plopped down with some content. "Sai! What are you doing here?" Sai froze before slowly turning his head. Ryo was sitting at the other end of the couch, just a few feet away. "Well, that's -- that's great that you made it down here, Sai," Ryo told him, his uneasiness showing. "I know it's been slow, but you're getting a lot better." Sai nodded shortly, and the two just looked at each other for an uncomfortable moment. Then Ryo blinked and turned towards the television. With a silent sigh, Sai did the same. Together they sat silently, staring at the television screen, neither one moving or speaking. The uneasiness lasted only a few minutes. Then, Ryo jumped up from the couch. "Well! I, uh, better go train outside. I'm getting a little rusty. Heh." With that, Ryo all but ran from the room. Sai settled into the couch cushions, his heart aching worse than his physical injuries. - Later, Sage wandered into the room. "Hello, Sai." "'Allo," Sai greeted back, sullenly. Sage lowered himself gracefully into a chair, his gaze resting on Sai. Sai shivered slightly under Sage's scrutiny. He always felt that Sage was peering into his soul when he looked at him like that. "How are you feeling?" Sage asked him quietly. "Fine," answered Sai without conviction. Sage gave a short nod, as if he expected that answer but disbelieved it nonetheless. "Give Ryo some time. He'll come around," Sage remarked, sounding almost like a side note. Sai looked at him sharply. "You'll see, Sai." Sai wanted to believe him, but couldn't. Even though Sage lived up to his name, he wasn't always right. ~Okay, so I can't think of a time when he was wrong. That didn't mean there wasn't one.~ What did Sage know about what was going on, anyway? Sai needed to think. "Sage, could you help me back upstairs?" - Sai leaned against Sage, his leg painfully throbbing now as exertion finally got to him. Sage guided him along towards the stairs, quietly helping him. As sweat trickled down his face, Sai cursed the men who had put him in this condition. As they slowly made their way, Sai suddenly froze. Sage stopped along side him without a word, although question was written on his face. He followed Sai's gaze into the kitchen, where Ryo and Mia were standing. "Oh, Ryo!" Mia exclaimed happily. "The kitchen looks wonderful!" Sai looked around, realizing that the kitchen was spotlessly clean, void of all the usual signs the five Troopers were constantly leaving. There were no dishes in the sink, the floor was shiny, and there wasn't a speck of dust or food anywhere. "You did this all yourself? Oh, thank you, Ryo!" Sai felt his stomach flip as Mia wrapped her arms around Ryo in a quick hug. "I really appreciate this, Ryo. You didn't have to go through all this trouble, you know." Ryo blushed as he scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, it was nothing, Mia. I just happened to have a lot of time on my hands." Sai felt a sharp pain stab his heart, and he had to choke back a cry of pain. Ryo and Mia's words ran through his mind, along with the image of Mia hugging Ryo. ~...a lot of time...go through all this trouble...thank you...it was nothing...a lot of time on my hands...~ Wordlessly, Sage wrapped a supporting arm around Sai and led him away. - Later, as the scene at the kitchen replayed continuously in his mind, Sai suddenly found the air in his room stifling. He looked longingly out the window and came to a decision. Sai stepped out from his room at the same moment Ryo emerged from the bathroom. Ryo looked at Sai in surprise. "Why are you wearing a coat?" "I'm going to take a walk," Sai replied dully, leaning against his crutches. "I need to get out." Ryo studied Sai for a short moment. "I really don't think you should go out, Sai. Not in your condition." From Sai's reaction, that was the wrong thing to say, but Ryo didn't care. Sai was too pale underneath his bandages and casts, and he supported too much weight on his crutches. Ryo had heard from the others that Sai hadn't been eating, either, and it showed. "Well, I really do think I should," Sai responded. Ryo's eyes widened at Sai's defiance. He walked over to the boy, looked him over, and then brushed past him to enter the room behind him. Sai turned around in confusion and followed Ryo in. "What are you doing?" he asked Ryo. Ryo faced him. "Sai, we need to talk again." Sai shook his head. "No, we don't." "Why not?" "Because we don't. We already had a 'talk', and everything's settled." "No, it's not, Sai. I need to talk to you again." A tired sigh escaped Sai. "I already told you, I'm going outside." He started to head out the door, his crutches making the progress frustratingly slow. Ryo rushed ahead of him to shut the door. He then leaned against the door with his arms crossed, blocking Sai's only exit. "You are *not* going outside." Sai looked at him with startled confusion. "What?!" he angrily exclaimed. "You heard me. You are not going out like that. We need to talk." "Look, Ryo!" Sai cried indignantly. "You cannot tell me what to do!" "And how are you going to get past me, huh?" Ryo pointed out. Sai's face reddened. "Ryo!" he screamed angrily. "Let me out!" "No." Sai became enraged. "Get out of my way!" He leapt at Ryo as best he could, becoming a flurry of rage and motion as he pounded his uninjured fist against Ryo. He shoved and pushed his body against Ryo's, trying to move the other boy out of the way. With his one good leg, he repeatedly kicked Ryo in the shins while his fist continued to beat against his chest. "Let me out, Ryo!" Ryo grabbed his fist with one hand and placed his other hand on Sai's waist. With a single push, he shoved Sai back a few steps until Sai's legs bumped against the bed. With an angry cry, Sai fell onto the mattress as Ryo pushed him with his body. Ryo followed Sai down onto the bed, landing on top of the smaller boy. Sai looked up in despair, trying to cower from Ryo. Tears from nowhere suddenly filled his eyes. Despite his efforts, Sai felt the hot drops spilling over onto his cheeks. Sai squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look at Ryo's unrelenting face. He did not want to be here, but he was trapped. Trapped by the person he loved, the person who had been avoiding him. The same person who was now angry at him, refusing to let him leave, forcing Sai to face him despite the inevitable pain it caused Sai. Sai wept miserably, silently, the tears full of shame and loneliness and despair. Through closed eyes, he felt Ryo's weight lift off of his body, but Ryo remained kneeling above of him, making no move to get off the bed. A few undisrupted moments of silence came and went and still Sai kept his eyes shut tight. "Sai." Ryo's gentle voice floated softly through the still air. "Sai," Ryo repeated more firmly when Sai didn't answer. Sai slowly, reluctantly, opened his eyes. Ryo's face hovered just inches above, looking down at him. Sai felt extremely uncomfortable as he watched Ryo's eyes dance over his face. The dark-eyed boy was studying his features as if looking for something. Sai swallowed unhappily, and Ryo's eyes moved up to meet his. Sai's bright, watery eyes wavered under Ryo's steady gaze. "What's wrong?" Ryo asked him softly, his breath stirring the air around Sai's face. Sai bit his lip and shook his head, afraid that speaking would spur another onslaught of tears. Not that he wanted to tell Ryo anyway. "Why won't you talk to me?" Why did Ryo have to make it so difficult? Sai looked away. "You wouldn't want to know, Ryo." "Tell me anyway," replied Ryo. "I want to know what's been bothering you." Sai suddenly found himself growing angry as his emotions rushed through him. "What's been bothering me?" he repeated. His voice began to rise as his anger intensified. "What do you mean what's bothering me? What the bloody hell has been bothering *you*, Ryo? "Don't try to change the subject, Sai," Ryo told him. "What?!" Sai cried, oblivious of the tears that once again began rolling down his cheeks. "I'm not trying to! You're the one who's been avoiding me! Who's afraid of me! Who can't stand being around me anymore!" A startled yet guilty look passed Ryo's face. "I haven't been avoiding you, Sai," he told the other boy softly. "Like hell!" Ryo flinched at Sai's outburst. "Why didn't you tell me that you were so upset? I would have-" "Because, Ryo!" Sai interrupted hotly. "Because it would have been too painful! How could I talk to you when...when..." Sai trailed off brokenly before regaining his composure. "Do you want to know why I couldn't, Ryo? What's really been bother me?" Ryo nodded slightly. "Fine, I'll tell you! I *love* you, Ryo, okay?" Once these words escaped, Sai let out a shuddering breath, suddenly drained. He closed his eyes sadly. "I love you," he repeated in a soft whisper. ~Happy now?~ he thought bitterly. Ryo fell silent, a painful reminder of their earlier conversation. ~Maybe now he'll leave me alone for good.~ Sai felt tears sting the back of his eyelids, but he refused to set them free again. His eyes remaining shut, he waited for Ryo to say something, to yell or scream or brush off Sai's admission of love. The seconds slowly crawled by, torturing Sai with their silence. Then, Sai felt a hand cup his chin, the light touch sending tremors down Sai, his stomach fluttering. His lower lip trembled as emotion overwhelmed him. He struggled in vain not to cry. But as the tears leaked out from underneath his shut eyelids, something pressed gently against his lips. Sai's eyes flew open as his body tensed up. "R-Ryo!" he mumbled, stupefied. Ryo was kissing him. Ryo was *kissing* him. Ryou was kissing *him*! "What-" His astonished question was cut off as Ryo pressed more firmly into his lips, sealing his mouth shut. Sai couldn't think clearly, for his thoughts were flying impossibly fast. He began to feel his body relax as sensation overwhelmed him, drawing him into the warm, wet feeling of Ryo's lips against his. Sai hesitantly kissed back, afraid that his imagination was playing a cruel trick on him. Too soon, Ryo's lips pulled away, leaving Sai staring up at Ryo with confused look. As he tried to comprehend Ryo's sudden move, he refused to acknowledge the tiny spark of hope. "W-Why? You - you kissed me...Why did you do that?" "Sai, I need to tell you something..." Sai immediately felt his heart sink, the tears in his eyes threatening to return with a vengence. Despite his intention, the hope had remained, only to be dashed away in an instant. He should have expected this. Ryo, whether out of sympathy or curiosity or confusion, had kissed Sai on impulse, and now was regretting it. Maybe he was disappointed. Or had changed his mind. Sai couldn't stop the dark thoughts from racing through his head as he considered each situation. How silly he was to even think anything like this could happen. Ryo had paused earlier, and now Sai realized he was talking again. "Sai..." Ryo began, looking straight into his eyes. "I never told you this before." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. Sai was looking at him miserably, his expression full of despair. "But you need to know. Sai, ever since I met you, I've had feelings for you. I just always thought they were the kind of feelings an older brother or really close friend would have -- that I just felt overly protective of you -- nothing more. It was stupid, I know that, but I refused to think it *was* anything more. "But when you told me you were gay, it forced me to think about my feelings. I realized that my feelings weren't just brotherly feelings. And...it scared me." Sai looked at him in disbelief. "That's why you were avoiding me?" Ryo nodded. "I needed time to think. I'm sorry, Sai. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way." Sai looked away, letting Ryo's words sink in. "Oh, geez, Ryo, I don't know what to say. Or think. I-I just can't believe...you mean, you're not repulsed by me?" Ryo laughed. "Of course not! Silly fishy," he teased, causing Sai to blush. "I could never be repulsed by you." Then Ryo turned serious, mostly thinking out loud. His voice was incredulous. "But I can't believe that you -- that you love me...I'd figure if it was anyone, it would be Kento, since you are closer to him than anyone else. Or Sage, because...he's Sage. I mean, he's much more beautiful than me. And I certainly could understand if you liked Rowen. But me?" "I do like them, Ryo. But I love you." Sai lifted his head off the bed to lightly kiss Ryo's nose. "You are very beautiful. And noble and brave and wonderful and-" "Okay, okay, I get it," Ryo replied with a chuckle. He gave Sai a tender smile. "I'm sorry, Sai, for acting stupid. I shouldn't have hid from you." Sai shook his head. "Yeah, it hurt, but that's behind us now. Ryo, you have no idea how happy I am right now. How happy you've made me." "Oh, I have some idea, Sai," Ryo replied playfully. Sai looked up at Ryo. "Are you sure, Ryo? About...all of this? What about Mia?" Sai had the horrible feeling that it was all a dream. It had to be too good, too unbelievable to be true. Ryo didn't speak. Instead, he lowered his head to meet his lips with Sai's mouth, answering Sai's question more effectively than any words could. THE END -- An Optional Epilogue -- -or, What the heck happened to the cruel, sick, hateful jerks that tried to kill Sai?- A few days later, the group of five that had assaulted Sai early in the story, leaving him for dead, met with a tragic misfortune. One night, they had a few too many drinks, and as they stumbled around drunk, they wandered straight off a cliff, one-by-one, where the angry, revengeful sea swallowed them up. THE OTHER END ~~~~~~~~~ Please, please, please, tell me what you think. Oh, about that 'silly fishy' phrase - I'm sorry. I stole it. I read it in a few other fics, and just loved it. ^_~