Another Lonely Night, Part 3
by marymqc

Disclaimer: Not mine.


-----

Once again, Ryouga was alone.

That was all that was left in him. Loneliness. Earlier, he had gone
through many of the dark emotions - shame, despair, anger at himself,
hopelessness - but he had shut himself off to those feelings. Life had
given him something wonderful, but because of his stupidity, he had turned
it into something painful. Not only had he hurt himself, he had hurt Ranma,
too. The thought made going through each day very difficult, even unbearable.

But it was night, and all emotion deserted him, leaving Ryouga to face the
loneliness alone. 

To say the emotions were gone would be incorrect. They just disappeared for
awhile, festering somewhere undetected inside him, waiting for morning to
make their presence known again. Ryouga wasn't sure what it was about the
night that caused the disappearance. Maybe the night gave the loneliness
fuel to overpower the other emotions. Or maybe he wasn't worthy enough to
suffer the other emotions once the stars came out. Whatever it was, Ryouga
didn't care. 

He almost welcomed the loneliness. It wasn't that he enjoyed it, but he
felt he deserved it. This time, he couldn't blame his problems on anyone
else. This time, the loneliness didn't come from someone else's actions or
non-actions. 
Ryouga sat on the edge of a small cliff, peering out over the murky land.
The stars and moon above illuminated the valley before him just enough to
see the outlines of hills, dotted with shadows of trees. Earlier in the
day, he had considered just walking off the ledge, but the terrain seemed
too beautiful. Now that it was night, the place wasn't nearly as lovely.
But Ryouga had no energy to move.

His thoughts wondered to Ranma. He hadn't seen him since their fight two
days ago, and Ryouga wondered what he was doing right at that moment.
Sleeping, most likely, as it was late at night. Ryouga sighed. Since he
had foolishly lost his chance with Ranma, Ranma would likely move on with
Akane eventually. After all, she was a nice girl and, as Ryouga painfully
remembered, she had declared her love for Ranma. It would only be a matter
of time till she tells Ranma, and they'll live happily ever after.

And Ryouga would continue wondering the continents, lost in his own
loneliness.

All of his life, Ryouga had some sort of goal to keep him going, whether it
was finding his way home or attempting to kill Ranma. Now, there was
nothing. It was strange going on with life with no goals. With no purpose. 

With no one. 

And so Ryouga sat, staring out into the dark valley, empty except for the
loneliness that consumed him.

-

An hour later, Ryouga was on his feet again, walking under his umbrella. A
surprise rain shower had popped up, and the last thing he needed was to turn
into a pig. Instead of remaining seated on the soaked edge of the cliff and
waiting the storm out, Ryouga had decided to try finding his way out from
under the rain clouds.

He was still in the rain storm when he found a paved road. Without giving
it a thought, he began following it. It didn't matter to him where the road
would take him, as long as it led him even further from Nerima. He had no
desire to see that town again. 

After a little while, the rain slowly began decreasing until it stopped
completely. Ryouga mindlessly put his umbrella back on top of his pack and
continued walking. He stared at his feet as they set a pattern of moving
forward. First one foot would be placed before him, only to be immediately
surpassed as the other foot was set down ahead of the first. It was a slow,
steady rhythm as each foot took turns moving him a bit forward. Ryouga
watched the process with disinterest, ignoring everything else around him.
All he heard was the soft plodding of his soles hitting the ground with each
step. 

He did glance up, however, when he realized he had reached some town. He
was in a commercial area, quiet now that it was dark. The only sounds came
from the buzzing of the street lights, which also provided the only light. 

But as Ryouga walked down the empty street, he heard a low sound. It
appeared to come from a still-lit building. As he approached the building,
he realized the sound was music, muffled by the walls that enclosed it.
Ryouga glanced at the illuminated sign which revealed the building to be a
bar.

"A drink sure would be good right now," Ryouga remarked aloud. Even though
he had never had any alcohol before, it seemed to be the appropriate thing
to do. He always heard about drowning one's sorrows with beer, and he
certainly had sorrows in need of drowning.

Just then, the music from inside was amplified as the front door opened,
shedding Ryouga with light. <Is it beckoning to me?> Ryouga wondered. Then
he realized it was a false alarm as a figure stumbled out into the dark,
letting the door shut behind him. With a sigh, Ryouga considered getting a
drink or ten anyway. 

The other figure shuffled clumsily in no direction. Ryouga watched with
mild, detached amusement at the guy's total lack of balance. The guy took a
few unsteady steps forward and suddenly began to pitch towards the ground.
Instinctively, Ryouga ran forward and caught him before he hit the hard
pavement.

"Watch it," Ryouga told the guy as he wrapped an arm around his back to hold
him upright. He glanced over his shoulder to see if the man had some
companion who may have followed him out. No such luck. "Had a few drinks
tonight, eh?" Ryouga asked when the guy stumbled again in his hold.

"So what? Why - why would you, of all people, care?" Even though it was
slurred, that voice sounded vaguely familiar. Ryouga reluctantly turned his
head to look at the guy in the face, afraid of who he'd see. 

"Ranma?" Ryouga asked, incredulously. "You?" 

"How apo...How appo-pro...pri...o' coursh it had to be you, Ryouga...Heh,
I'm really, really drunk..." Ranma laughed hysterically. "I'm not
shleeping, tho', am I?...so why you still here?" Ranma's eyebrows furrowed
in concentration. "I am awake, right?" He poked Ryouga in the arm. "Hey
Ryouga, are you Ryouga?" He began giggling at his joke.

Ryouga was watching all of this with complete shock. "You're drunk?"

"Yup," Ranma said, nodding his head gravely. He knees buckled again and
Ryouga had to tighten his grip to prevent Ranma from falling.

"Why?" Ryouga asked, trying to think. "Since when do you drink?"

Ranma turned to bury his head in Ryouga's shoulder. He began crying
bitterly. "Since that - that day by the river, when you...when you..."
Ranma let out a sob, digging his face into Ryouga's shoulder. 

Ryouga stood there awkwardly, feeling guilt and pain shoot through his
chest. "But..." he trailed off, not sure of what he wanted to say.

Ranma paused in his weeping to gaze up at Ryouga's face, a look of
concentration in his eyes. "Ya know, Ryouga," Ranma gave the larger boy a
slight push. "I'm starting to think you're actu'ly real."

"I am real," Ryouga responded, his eyes widening. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"'Cuz I'm drunk," Ranma slurred matter-of-factly, wavering a bit on his feet.

Ryouga sighed. "Come on, Ranma, let's get you home."

Ranma shrugged. "Whatever ya shay, Ryouga. Don't matter to me none."

With one hand around Ranma's back and the other holding Ranma's hand over
his shoulder, Ryouga chose a direction and began half-walking, half-dragging
Ranma. Even though Ranma was cooperating with Ryouga, he still was unsteady
on his feet, and Ryouga had to hold him upright. 

"Where do I turn now, Ranma?" Ryouga asked once they reached a corner. 

Ranma shrugged. "Donsha know?" 

"Now how would I know, Ranma?"

For some reason, Ranma thought that was terribly funny. He erupted into
laughter. As he giggled, he began waving his arm towards one direction. 

Ryouga looked at him with exasperation. "You want to go left?"

"Right."

"Go right?" Ryouga asked.

Ranma's shoulders began shaking with laughter again. "Okay, sure, if that's
what you want." 

Ryouga let out a frustrated sigh and chose a direction at random in hopes of
finding the Tendo dojo before dawn. Ranma was obviously no help at all. He
grew quiet as he stumbled along, steadied only by the arm that supported
him. Ryouga's mind raced with conflicting thoughts as he walked the streets
of Nerima with Ranma. Even though Ranma was drunk, Ryouga felt affection
for the smaller boy. The feel of the warm body in his arm's hold made
Ryouga's heart race. But as strong as the attraction to Ranma was, Ryouga
knew he couldn't have him. He had had his chance already, and he blew it.
He was sure Ranma wouldn't be able to forgive him. Ryouga couldn't even
forgive himself. As soon as he finds the dojo, he would drop Ranma off and
leave quietly.

"You're a jerk, ya know," Ranma said suddenly.

Ryouga's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, I know," he said lowly, staring at the
ground. It pained him to be near Ranma. To be so close to someone so
unattainable made Ryouga want to break down and cry. "Look, we're here."
Ryouga gestured to the Tendo dojo in relief.

"Yah..." Ranma murmured absently. A glance at the drunk boy told Ryouga he
would have to take Ranma inside himself.

"Come on," Ryouga sighed wearily, pulling Ranma inside the house.

Ranma sniffed as he followed. "You hate me."

Ryouga hesitated, wincing. "No, I don't."

"Yeah, ya do."

Ryouga just shook his head furiously, unable to trust his voice. He pulled
Ranma even harder as he led him through the house to Ranma's room. Reaching
the door, Ryouga slowly opened it, cringing at every tiny sound it made.
Once it was open just wide enough, Ryouga gently pushed Ranma in and
followed, closing the door behind him.

Ryouga bumped into Ranma, unable to see him in the almost total darkness.
"Move," Ryouga whispered.

"I can't," Ranma replied, his face an inch from Ryouga's.

The amusement in Ranma's voice annoyed Ryouga. "Why not?" he demanded.

"We're in a closet."

There was a moment of silence. Then, "Oh." Ryouga paused. "Darn!"

Ranma giggled. "Still can't find your way out of a paper bag, eh, P-chan?" 

Ryouga scowled as he turned to the door, quietly opening it. To his shock
and horror, he saw Akane enter the room, her back to the closet. Ryouga
immediately shut the closet door, his heart pounding. "Be quiet," he
commanded Ranma over his shoulder as quietly as he could. 

Ryouga tried to still his breathing as he listened intently to Akane move
about the room. He could barely hear her, and he panicked at not being able
to tell whether she was approaching the closet or not. Ryouga stood as still
as possible, concentrating on any sounds outside the closet. Ranma stood
directly behind him, and after a few seconds had passed, Ryouga became
acutely aware of Ranma's warm breath against his neck. 

Goosebumps prickled Ryouga's skin. Despite his best efforts, he could not
ignore the wonderful feeling of the hot breath against the sensitive skin of
his neck. He dared not move away, fearful of making any sounds Akane might
notice. Instead, Ryouga concentrated harder, desperately trying to ignore
Ranma's incredible closeness.

Suddenly, two arms snaked in front of Ryouga and, before he could react,
pulled him to Ranma firmly. He bit back a gasp as Ranma held him in a
strong embrace. "Ranma!" Ryouga hissed lowly, gripping the arms that
surrounded his midsection. 

"Be quiet," Ranma breathed in his ear, squeezing Ryouga more tightly to
emphasize. "Remember?" He moved his mouth slightly so that it hovered just
behind Ryouga's ear. Ryouga unconsciously released his grip on Ranma's arms
and froze. With soft, cool fingers, Ranma brushed Ryouga's hair away from
his ear. Then, ever so softly, he pressed his lips lightly against the
sensitive skin behind Ryouga's lobe. Ryouga swallowed, his heart fluttering
wildly in his chest. 

Ranma kissed him in the exact same spot once more, then made no move to do
anything else. After a few moments, Ryouga's body relaxed even though his
mind was racing. He couldn't help feeling extremely disappointed. His ear
still tingled, the feel of Ranma's lips lingering. But Ranma remained
still. With a silent sigh, Ryouga went back to listening for any sounds
outside the door. 

It wasn't until Ranma pulled him in closer a moment later that he realized
Ranma still had his arms wrapped around him. Suddenly, Ryouga jumped,
feeling a warm, light kiss on the back of his neck. Ryouga shivered as Ranma
planted another kiss on his neck. Then a slightly harder third kiss. Soon,
Ranma sped up the timing of his warm kisses until he was showering Ryouga
with kisses all over the back and side of his neck.

Ryouga's heart pounded. He knew he should stop Ranma, but he couldn't.
Nothing had felt more incredible to him than this. Nothing except for the
unexpected kiss by the campfire the other night. Ryouga drunk in the
feeling of Ranma's kisses against his neck. <What am I doing? I'm letting
a drunk man make out with me. Ranma doesn't even know what he’s doing...>
Ryouga briefly wondered if Ranma would even remember in the morning.

Ryouga jerked when Ranma found a particularly sensitive spot on his neck,
interrupting his thoughts. This didn't go past Ranma unnoticed, who
immediately began sucking relentlessly on that same spot. Ryouga squirmed,
unable to control the warm feeling that raced through him. Ranma licked the
skin as he gently sucked, causing Ryouga's squirms to intensify. 

Ryouga involuntarily let out a yelp when Ranma's teeth lightly nipped his
skin. Instantly, Ranma pressed a hand over his mouth, silencing him.
"Ryouga..." Ranma growled lowly in warning, giving Ryouga another nip.
Ryouga felt his stomach flip.

After a few moments, Ranma still had not removed his hand. Instead, he
pressed harder on Ryouga's mouth, firmly guiding Ryouga to tilt his head
back. Ryouga swallowed heavily, his eyes wide. He felt very much like a
captive. His head was forced back, the hand was still clasped over his
lips, and an arm was wrapped firmly around his waist. If he wanted though,
he could have easily broken away. But he didn't want to. He willingly
released his control over to Ranma. 

Tilting Ryouga's head back gave Ranma easier access to his ear. He gently
took the tip of his ear between his teeth, causing Ryouga to gasp against
the hand covering his mouth. Ranma nibbled on the lobe of his ear as he
slowly snaked the arm wrapped around Ryouga's stomach upwards. Everything
around Ryouga disappeared, leaving all of his senses focused on Ranma.
Closing his eyes, Ryouga moaned as Ranma's hand slowly rubbed his chest as
he continued nibbling his ear. 

Ranma's exploring hand did not miss a single contour of Ryouga's chest.
Ryouga's flesh burned through the material of his shirt with a flush that
covered his whole body. Ranma lightly drew circles and figure-eights with a
finger, causing a shiver to run through the lost boy. Meanwhile, his mouth
did not let up on his ear. His tongue slowly slithered along the outer edge
of Ryouga's ear, leaving behind a warm, wet trail that cooled in the air.

Ryouga wanted very much to touch Ranma with his own hands, but the way Ranma
held him prevented that. When he attempted to twist around, Ranma only
tightened his hold on the larger boy. Ryouga instead had to settle for what
he could. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue against Ranma's palm. He
went a tiny step further and drew a finger into his mouth which he
immediately began sucking. He played with Ranma's finger with his tongue,
circling it and licking the length of it as he suckled. With a satisfied
grin, he felt Ranma shiver once slightly, almost imperceptibly, behind him.

Ranma retaliated by moving his hand on Ryouga's chest lower. It ran over
the smooth muscle until it came to Ryouga's flat stomach. There, Ranma
lightly tickled the skin, causing his stomach to jerk as Ryouga bit down on
Ranma's other hand to prevent any gasps from slipping out. "Rrnnmm…" Ryouga
mumbled. 

"Don’t like that, huh?" Ranma breathed in his ear. He slowly ran his hand
even lower.

Ryouga jumped violently, breaking Ranma's hold. His cheeks flushed in the
dark. "N-no, Ranma..." he forced himself to say. "It - it's late."

Ryouga could barely make out Ranma's disappointed frown. "Well, den, maybe
shome otha’ time," Ranma slurred, suddenly reminding Ryouga he was drunk.
Ryouga made a noncommittal grunt. "By th' way, Akane left the room jush
minutes after she came’n," Ranma informed him with a smirk. 

"She did?" Ryouga asked, startled. "Well...I guess it's safe then. Why
don't you go to bed, Ranma? Sleep off the alcohol."

Ranma yawned noisily. "Yeeeahhh…" 

Ryouga smiled sadly as he opened the closet door. This was definitely one
of the best nights of his life, but it'd be nothing more than a spontaneous
make-out session based on a drunk man's impulses. A drunk man who would
either forget it by morning or wake up with regret. And everything will go
back to what they were just hours before. 

"So..." Ranma began as Ryouga stepped out of the closet. "What will ya be
doin' now?"

Ryouga remained quiet for just a moment before replying. "I'll go on
another trip...but I don't think I'll be coming back."

Ranma nodded slowly, not speaking.

Ryouga carefully checked the room before he gently pulled Ranma out. Ryouga
then began walking towards what he hoped was Ranma's room, only to stop when
he realized Ranma wasn't following. He turned around. "Aren't you coming?"

"Nah..." Ranma replied, sitting himself on the floor. "'M too tired."

"Come on, Ranma, go to bed," Ryouga pleaded.

Ranma shook his head weakly. "No, I don't wanna..." He leaned down,
placing an arm on the floor and then resting his head on it. He then
stretched out his legs lazily behind him. "Mmmmmm..." he mumbled, his eyes
closed.

Ryouga's shoulders slumped. "Come on, Ranma..." he begged softly, already
knowing he wouldn't get a response. With a sigh, he walked over to the
sleeping boy and bent down to pick him up. He had no problem with the
deadweight of Ranma in his arms.

He carried Ranma down the hall. Luck must have been with him, for he found
the right room relatively quick. He gently lowered Ranma onto the bedding,
loosely stretching his legs out. He then pulled a blanket over his
shoulders, tucking Ranma in.

Reluctant to leave, Ryouga gazed down at Ranma sleeping quietly. Without
thinking, he knelt down beside the bed. Ranma looked so peaceful in the dim
light, his long eyelashes casting shadows over his cheeks. "Oh, Ranma..."
Ryouga sighed. He reached out to brush Ranma's bangs across his forehead.
"I'm so sorry..."

Ryouga squeezed his eyes shut. "I...I ruined everything, didn't I? I'm
such a jerk. An idiot." Ranma's voice from the fight two days ago rang in
his ears. "A heartless bastard - isn't that what you said? Well, you were
partly wrong, Ranma...I am a bastard, but I'm not heartless. If I were
heartless, I wouldn't be feeling pain there right now."

Ryouga opened his eyes again, tears shimmering. "I wish I could go back in
time to change things, but I can't," his voice wavered, threatening to
break. "Ranma...thank you for everything...but I know - I know it's too
late for me...for us. I know you won't be able to forgive me. I missed
things up too much." Ryouga's voice finally cracked. "But I am sorry," he
whispered. 

He saw two drops of water splatter on Ranma's cheek, and he realized they
were his own tears. With a shaky breath, he wiped his eyes before reaching
towards Ranma's face to brush the tears away. But before he could, Ranma
rolled over to his side, nuzzling the cheek in the blanket, effectively
blotting the wet drops.

"Ranma, this was a nice night for me, almost as nice as the night by the
campfire when we kissed...I just - I just hope you don't regret tonight too
much when you wake up tomorrow." With that, Ryouga pushed himself up
firmly. "Good-bye, Ranma." 

Ryouga quietly let himself out of the Tendo house. Once he stepped out into
the night, he closed the door to the house with an air of finality. 

-

Ten minutes later, Ryouga was standing solemnly at a corner, his backpack on
his shoulders once again.

"Ryouga."

Ryouga whirled around, his breath catching in his throat. "Wha..." his eyes
widened in surprise. "Ranma! What are you doing here? You were asleep!
How did you get here?"

Ranma choose to answer the last question. "I followed you."

Ranma's voice was clear. Ryouga knitted his eyebrows together in confusion.
"Wh-why don't you sound drunk?"

"Because I'm sober. I never passed out, Ryouga."

"You weren't drunk?" Ryouga gasped.

"I was at first, but I always recover quickly, remember? I was sober by the
time we reached home."

Ryouga felt his chest tighten. "You mean...that whole closet thing...you
weren't drunk?"

Ranma shook his head. "It was all an act. I wouldn't have been able to get
away with it if you didn't think I was drunk," he told him. He flashed a
wry grin. "Guess we're even now, huh?"

Ryouga fixed his gaze on the sidewalk below him, not wanting Ranma to see
the tears that threatened to fall. <All an act...> "You were trying to get
back at me," Ryouga stated flatly. 

Ranma looked at Ryouga, whose turned down face reflected sadness and
acceptance, but held no traces of anger. Ranma remained quiet for a moment
before speaking. "No," he told the lost boy. "I did it because I wanted to.
I wanted to kiss you. To touch you." 

"...Why?" Ryouga whispered.

"Because...I can't stop feeling for you."

Ryouga looked at him sharply. "Even...even after all I did?" He struggled
to speak, his voice wavering. 

Ranma placed a hand on his shoulder. "Aw, you're not going to start crying
again, are ya?" he asked in a teasing voice.

Ryouga laughed weakly as he sniffed. He then slowly pulled away from
Ranma's touch. "I'm sorry, Ranma...I don't deserve you. I can't let
you...I can’t let you become close to me." He refused to look at Ranma in
the face. 

There was a moment of silence before Ranma spoke. "Ryouga..." he began
before trailing off.

Ryouga studied the ground. "Why did you pretend to fall asleep anyway?"

Ranma's eyes looked at him. "I...I came on to you in the closest because I
wanted you, and also because I hoped it would bring you back. But when I
asked, you told me you were going away again, and that you weren't even
coming back. I- I was too upset and humiliated about my failure I just
couldn't face you. So I just pretended I was asleep." 

"So you heard what I said in the bedroom then?" Ryouga asked, his face
troubled.

Ranma nodded. "That's why I followed you...I thought maybe we could work
things out."

Ryouga looked at him hopefully, but then just shook his head sadly. "It's
too late...I did something terrible to you...and to me. That can't just be
forgotten."

"But it can!" Ranma cried frantically. "Don't you see? I don't care about
that! I know you were mistaken, and I know you're sorry. You didn't mean
to hurt me. I also understand why you did it."

"You do?" Ryouga question, confusion in his voice.

"Yes! I thought about it tonight while I was busy getting drunk. I've
pulled some pranks on you when I shouldn't have, and you didn't think you
could trust me. Right?" Ryouga shrugged and nodded. "Although I did have
trouble believing that you couldn't tell I meant my kiss...but I understand.
I really do." 

Ryouga remained quiet, staring at the ground. 

"Ryouga, I accepted your apology," Ranma told him. "Can't you accept my
forgiveness?"

"I don't know..."

"Look," Ranma started, changing his strategy. "If you don't, then I'll
never forgive you. The only way you can make up with me is if we start
being together. I...I love you, Ryouga. Nothing's going to change that."

Ryouga looked at him slowly, his eyes shiny. Then, without warning, he
rushed up to Ranma and crushed his lips against Ranma's mouth, wrapping
Ranma in a great bear hug. Ranma's eyes widened at first before he melted
into the kiss.

All too soon, Ryouga broke away. "You were amazing in the closet, you
know," he remarked, grinning. "But now *I* have a chance to touch *you*."

THE END

^_^

Comments! Please? 
marymqc64@hotmail.com